Playing games

22 year old woman from Queens

Moved to SoCal to fulfill my dreams

Dedicated, loyal, hardworking, polite

the man I’m in love with is kinda blind

He doesn’t see that I’m one of a kind

He doesn’t see past the similarities

The ones of me and his ex

Never lets me forget

Brings it up every chance he gets

Apparently we even feel the same during sex

And say the same thing through text

He Says thank you next and no regrets

But still replies to her when she texts

He gets upset when she’s on my mind too

She wouldn’t be there if it weren’t for you

I really don’t know why though honestly

Why am I chasing after you so desperately

This is very unlike me

I shouldn’t care that you’re not mine

I’m also not gonna beg and whine

A woman like me is hard to come by

And someone who can’t see my worth

Just feels like a huge waste of my time

So what are we doing

Feels like we’re playing games

I’m done with this tic tac toe Tetris shit

For a second I thought you completed me

But I was wrong

It was just the wrong fit

nothing new to me

TOODALOO JW

Bi-curious

I crave women

I’m curious

Might be going through a phase

As of right now

It’s just a little craze

I love dick so much

Don’t get me wrong

But I also love women

Both independent and strong

I have had many men

It just wasn’t enough for me

But I haven’t had a woman yet

How different can it be?

I guess I’ll just have to wait and see

Until I find a woman that finds me worthy

To share with her

This curious side of me

TOODALOO JW

Best they’ve ever had

I stood there with my heart on my sleeve

thinking I was the problem with “us”

only later would I realize

you weren’t shit

it was all an illusion, lust

all these guys crawling back to me

they fall on their knees

begging me to take them back

telling me they’ve made a mistake

apologizing for how they’ve behaved

saying I’m the best they’ve ever had

it’s too late now

they’ve already broken the trust

what we had are ashes and dust.

I was THAT girl

the only girl

who has ever treated them right

a Queen in plain sight

secure and confident

wanting only the best for them

the best for us

it was never enough

I was dying inside

couldn’t stop crying

Covered it up so well

you couldn’t tell

It didn’t break me

I wouldn’t allow it

I woke up

Picked up the pieces

Knew how to go about it

erased the memories of us

Definitely not worth my tears

someday they will see

the mistakes they made

Helped me grow stronger

face my fears

I can finally let them go

It wasn’t my choice at first

I just learned to accept it

I’m going to bed happy

Knowing I got rejected

Things happen for a reason it’s true

Thank God I’m moving on

Already looking my next “boo”

One who sees my worth

And deserves everything I do

TOODALOO JW

it’s complicated

I’ve never been a jealous person

For some reason I hate her

I am jealous of her

With everyday, it gets worse

I just hope you know

I’m here even if it hurts

I can’t even begin to explain

The pain that comes over me

Every time you mention her name

I wonder if you’ll ever love me the same

I fucking hate her

For what she did to you

I know you’re hurting

But at this point, it’s hurting me too

And I am learning every day

I just need to be patient

Watch what I say

I just need to stay calm

For both of us

Stay strong

Enjoy today

worry about tomorrow

Not yesterday

Please try and forget the sorrows of the past

Make new memories that last

One day you will move on

Think of me instead

Or at least try to

But even if it doesn’t work out

Without a doubt

You are my best friend through and through

And honestly

I really do love you

TOODALOO JW

Why she smiles

that girl’s million-watt smile

brightens the room

big kind eyes

appear animated

in every word she speaks

that voice

soothing and harmonious

puts my soul at ease

I wonder what she’s gone through

holds her head up

with grace

her presence

pleasant

a cool breeze

looking out

toward the future

problems of her past

hidden away

behind her distracting

million-watt smile

TOODALOO JW

 

Dear inspector dumbass@LBPD🖕🏼🖕🏽

Today, I was issued an unnecessary citation for “loitering” in a park after hours…

FIRST OF ALL…This motherfucking white cop pulled up while my best friend Freddy and I were TALKING in the car at around 11p.m. He pulled his little dick out of his pants with him as he approached us and started flashing his handheld flashlight directly into our eyes. He walked up and pulled Freddy’s car door open, immediately demanding to see our IDs. I ask him why and tell him that we did nothing wrong and the next thing I know..that look on his face completely changed and HE WAS PISSED..for what tho? I questioned him? “If I were you, I would stop giving attitude because I could either give you guys a warning, issue you a citation or even take you to jail for trespassing.” (uhhh…okay Sir….get that stick out of your white asshole and maybe my tone will change for you) My blood boiled because I didn’t even say it in a rude way and I was actually confused as to why he was so rude and demanded to see my ID when I wasn’t even driving. I swallowed my pride and did as he said feeling smaller and less of a person with every question I answered. My hands were shaking, I couldn’t breathe and I just kept playing with my pop-socket because I have really bad anxiety. I wasn’t trying to make things worse but I didn’t bring anything with me so I decided to start searching through my google photos app to see if I could pull up a photo of my license. My anxiety was so terrible even doing something simple like pulling up this photo was a struggle. He walks over to my side and pulls the my door open. The lights in the car turn on, I look down and notice my student ID attached to my keys on the floor. I pick it up, hand it to him and the only thing I say is there you go, I don’t have my license on me but I have a school ID. He grabs it from me, looks at it for .02 seconds and hands it back to grabs his pen and paper. He smirks and as he asks me to go over some information. After I answer his unnecessary questions he slams the car door behind him as he walks away to confirm my answers. I didn’t bring an ID with me..I was talking to my best friend in his car and were doing absolutely nothing so why would I need my ID in the first place? That’s why questioned him..HE HAD NO RIGHT TO TREAT US THAT WAY. We look back and see three other police cars pulling up with him as he’s trying look something up. He comes back and asks me to confirm the information I gave him AGAIN  telling me I am not in the system. I do as he says, spell out my name in perfect English and he slams the door AGAIN.. This idiot asks me to spell out my NAME EVEN AFTER I SHOWED HIM MY ID WITH MY NAME ON IT AND I CONFIRMED IT THE FIRST THREE TIMES. He turns around, walks back to his car and five minutes later we see two of them walk up. This time a white female officer came up to the car to “assist” inspector dumbass. Of course inspector dumbass wanted to hand deliver mine personally so there he goes again aggressively opening up the passenger side door. But wait! It gets better guys! He tells me in absolutely no time that I am getting the citation for “LOITERING” and shoves the booklet in my face to sign. I wanted to go off on this mother fucker sooo bad but I just looked up, smiled and signed this bullshit piece of paper and took my citation not saying a single thing. After the female officer saw that I had signed mine she handed Freddy his citation written and all she could say was “you too” handing him a pen. After that, the dumbass walks away all content probably thinking in his pea brain that he’s a hero or some shit for busting some college kids.. We were so confused. I honestly wasn’t mad about getting the citation because we were parked there at 11 o’clock p.m. but the way he wanted to make us feel so small and defenseless was not okay. I am a student and a citizen here and as many of you know I just moved here. I had no idea parks even had curfew because this has never happened to me before. He could have said it in a less aggressive tone but instead had to show us who was in charge here. I hate to say it but the first thing that came to mind was racial profiling and maybe he was acting this way because Freddy and I were of minorities. Why else would he need to look up my information and call other officers to assist when we were cooperating. Why would he feel threatened by us? Two university students with clean records chilling in a parking lot sounds threatening doesn’t it? Well I hope karma gets you inspector dumbass. There is no way in hell that I am paying this citation off without going to court. I am still getting used to things around here but this experience with LBPD changed my whole perspective of the city. I now have this negative opinion of a beautiful city I fell in love with at first sight. Law enforcement is supposed to help citizens but instead this encounter left me feeing violated and disrespected.

TOODALOO JW

Thoughts on a Sunday night

I just feel like I can’t breathe

Want to close my eyes

Go into a deep sleep

Forget everything and everyone

My chest feels heavy

I just can’t breathe

I can’t

Fucking

Breathe

I

Can

Not

Breathe

Why

Can’t

I take a breath

Slow my brain down

My hands are shaking

I’m mentally exhausted

And

All

I

Want

To

Do

Is

Breathe

I don’t know what to say

Other than I’ll be okay

I smile during the day

At night tears run down my face

My body and mind are numb

I can’t focus on school

Feel so dumb and out of place

Counting the stars in outer space

I’m on a different planet

Pluto, one that no longer exists

I’m just lost

Desperate to feel bliss

Weed is my friend

The only one to mend the pain

I’m gonna go insane

I don’t know who to blame

I blame life

Out of luck

I’m just stuck with a poor family

Who has nothing in life but each other

An In debt, and occupied mother

And a brother who calls me a slut

But for what

Why do I have the life I have

Working and studying like a slave

Wanting nothing more than to crawl back into my cave

Close the door

Turn off the lights

End this fight with myself

An ongoing battle

School and work vs my sanity

This life not as great as I hoped it would be

Trying so hard to stay positive

I just lost all reason to live

TOODALOO JW

College life Update: The struggle to keep things balanced

Good Morning Everyone and Happy Labor Day, that one public holiday held in honor of working people. Everyone is supposed to have a day off today butttttt my ass works retail so guess who is going to be spending this national no work holiday working…meeeeeeee. 🙃 To anyone else who is in this situation, I feel for you and I am sorry but collect that time and a half and smile because you have to, the customers always come first.

Please enjoy these memes that describe exactly how I feel every day:

lesliecustomer service -ahs

ANNYYYWHOOO.. The college life is treating me well so far but I am so freaking exhausted all the time because I work 40 hours a week still and I signed up for 15 units this semester thinking they would give me an extra day off like they told me they would. Nope..ha ha girl retail is not something I want to be doing for much longer..maybe retail isn’t the problem and I should find another store but it takes way to long to interview and train and I have to focus on a million trillion things right now.`

I JOINED THE ROWING TEAMMMMM! YAY MEEEE!!!!!!

yay meI love it and I feel like I finally found a sport that I can do without being super out of breath or worrying about my boobs falling out of the uniform because ya girl needs two sports bras in order to want to run, ya know? Plus my arms and back are going to be super toned by the time I finish my first year. The women’s rowing team meets Monday through Friday from 5:30am to 7:30 am so I have to wake up at the early buttcrack of dawn but at least I get to watch the sunrise on the water. I think I might also join the salsa team because I have always wanted to be a part of a dance club or group but I never took a chance. The same thing with sports, this is the first sport I have ever signed up for even though I feel like I would kick ass at softball or volleyball maybe even swimming. I am brand new to this area and this school and I want to have as much of a college experience as I possibly can before my two years are up. I’m still young and I feel like I always put work first which isn’t a bad thing but I am not holding back this year.

fuuuuuu

My classes aren’t that bad yet but it has only been a week so I don’t want to open my big mouth and be like OH YEAH SCHOOL IS EASY PEASY LEMON SQUEEZY and then be crying two seconds later like FUUUUUUUUUU why did I say all that shit and this sucks lol. My first assignment was a story proposal because I’m in school for Journalism if some of you didn’t know and it was literally just sending an email to the professor with the topic you want to cover…my dumb ass wanted to make it sound cheery so I added an adjective in my email not thinking much of it because its not even a real proposal, its just one stupid email. My professor immediately calls me out on it and says “we are not supposed to use opinionated words in our writing, you should know better.” I’m sitting there like huh?!?!?! First of all, I thought you were one of my chill professors and second, I appreciate you telling me this but I don’t because WTF it’s not that serious..lesson learned I guess. On the bright side, I have two of my classes with my roommate and it’s super cool to have a study buddy sharing a room with you. We got our first assignments in! YAY US!

I also wanted to say, just as a side note that I know my posting schedule is super random and there isn’t really a scheduled post ever. I just wanted to say bear with me because if I had a schedule for my posts it wouldn’t come from the heart and it would feel more like an obligation which is a reason why I am not a Youtuber even though I really want to explore that whole side.

THANK YOU FOR FOLLOWING MY BLOG AND LIKING MY POSTS AND SHARING YOUR FEEDBACK BECAUSE IT MAKES ME FEEL SPECIAL AND IMPORTANT. I LUUUU YOUUUU

TOODALOO JW

Letter to my selfless lover

To my selfless lover

You know who you are

Didn’t expect to like you

But I’ve always liked your car

here we are

First semester at lb state

My pussy becomes your escape

You introduce me to your beautiful city

Showed me the best views

Saying I’m pretty

Hyping me up at times I don’t expect it

I plan on returning the favor

Don’t you get it

forget her

That girl from your past

She left you

On a hunt to find some trash

Think with your brain

What is it saying

Brain freeze

ice cubes got me paraphrasing

My mouth around that dick

You rubbing on my clit

saying I taste so sweet

That I’m all you need

I’m your extra boost of confidence

feeling all complete

Got yourself a princess 👑

A new girl you can’t get enough of

fucks you like she’s in love

And you know I need it

attention from you

Gets my bed wet

you sparked my curiosity

been through trash recently

Couldn’t think straight

So here you go

A personalized letter

Don’t think I could have said it better

TOODALOO JW 💋