Why she smiles

that girl’s million-watt smile

brightens the room

big kind eyes

appear animated

in every word she speaks

that voice

soothing and harmonious

puts my soul at ease

I wonder what she’s gone through

holds her head up

with grace

her presence

pleasant

a cool breeze

looking out

toward the future

problems of her past

hidden away

behind her distracting

million-watt smile

TOODALOO JW

 

Dear inspector dumbass@LBPD🖕🏼🖕🏽

Today, I was issued an unnecessary citation for “loitering” in a park after hours…

FIRST OF ALL…This motherfucking white cop pulled up while my best friend Freddy and I were TALKING in the car at around 11p.m. He pulled his little dick out of his pants with him as he approached us and started flashing his handheld flashlight directly into our eyes. He walked up and pulled Freddy’s car door open, immediately demanding to see our IDs. I ask him why and tell him that we did nothing wrong and the next thing I know..that look on his face completely changed and HE WAS PISSED..for what tho? I questioned him? “If I were you, I would stop giving attitude because I could either give you guys a warning, issue you a citation or even take you to jail for trespassing.” (uhhh…okay Sir….get that stick out of your white asshole and maybe my tone will change for you) My blood boiled because I didn’t even say it in a rude way and I was actually confused as to why he was so rude and demanded to see my ID when I wasn’t even driving. I swallowed my pride and did as he said feeling smaller and less of a person with every question I answered. My hands were shaking, I couldn’t breathe and I just kept playing with my pop-socket because I have really bad anxiety. I wasn’t trying to make things worse but I didn’t bring anything with me so I decided to start searching through my google photos app to see if I could pull up a photo of my license. My anxiety was so terrible even doing something simple like pulling up this photo was a struggle. He walks over to my side and pulls the my door open. The lights in the car turn on, I look down and notice my student ID attached to my keys on the floor. I pick it up, hand it to him and the only thing I say is there you go, I don’t have my license on me but I have a school ID. He grabs it from me, looks at it for .02 seconds and hands it back to grabs his pen and paper. He smirks and as he asks me to go over some information. After I answer his unnecessary questions he slams the car door behind him as he walks away to confirm my answers. I didn’t bring an ID with me..I was talking to my best friend in his car and were doing absolutely nothing so why would I need my ID in the first place? That’s why questioned him..HE HAD NO RIGHT TO TREAT US THAT WAY. We look back and see three other police cars pulling up with him as he’s trying look something up. He comes back and asks me to confirm the information I gave him AGAIN  telling me I am not in the system. I do as he says, spell out my name in perfect English and he slams the door AGAIN.. This idiot asks me to spell out my NAME EVEN AFTER I SHOWED HIM MY ID WITH MY NAME ON IT AND I CONFIRMED IT THE FIRST THREE TIMES. He turns around, walks back to his car and five minutes later we see two of them walk up. This time a white female officer came up to the car to “assist” inspector dumbass. Of course inspector dumbass wanted to hand deliver mine personally so there he goes again aggressively opening up the passenger side door. But wait! It gets better guys! He tells me in absolutely no time that I am getting the citation for “LOITERING” and shoves the booklet in my face to sign. I wanted to go off on this mother fucker sooo bad but I just looked up, smiled and signed this bullshit piece of paper and took my citation not saying a single thing. After the female officer saw that I had signed mine she handed Freddy his citation written and all she could say was “you too” handing him a pen. After that, the dumbass walks away all content probably thinking in his pea brain that he’s a hero or some shit for busting some college kids.. We were so confused. I honestly wasn’t mad about getting the citation because we were parked there at 11 o’clock p.m. but the way he wanted to make us feel so small and defenseless was not okay. I am a student and a citizen here and as many of you know I just moved here. I had no idea parks even had curfew because this has never happened to me before. He could have said it in a less aggressive tone but instead had to show us who was in charge here. I hate to say it but the first thing that came to mind was racial profiling and maybe he was acting this way because Freddy and I were of minorities. Why else would he need to look up my information and call other officers to assist when we were cooperating. Why would he feel threatened by us? Two university students with clean records chilling in a parking lot sounds threatening doesn’t it? Well I hope karma gets you inspector dumbass. There is no way in hell that I am paying this citation off without going to court. I am still getting used to things around here but this experience with LBPD changed my whole perspective of the city. I now have this negative opinion of a beautiful city I fell in love with at first sight. Law enforcement is supposed to help citizens but instead this encounter left me feeing violated and disrespected.

TOODALOO JW

Thoughts on a Sunday night

I just feel like I can’t breathe

Want to close my eyes

Go into a deep sleep

Forget everything and everyone

My chest feels heavy

I just can’t breathe

I can’t

Fucking

Breathe

I

Can

Not

Breathe

Why

Can’t

I take a breath

Slow my brain down

My hands are shaking

I’m mentally exhausted

And

All

I

Want

To

Do

Is

Breathe

I don’t know what to say

Other than I’ll be okay

I smile during the day

At night tears run down my face

My body and mind are numb

I can’t focus on school

Feel so dumb and out of place

Counting the stars in outer space

I’m on a different planet

Pluto, one that no longer exists

I’m just lost

Desperate to feel bliss

Weed is my friend

The only one to mend the pain

I’m gonna go insane

I don’t know who to blame

I blame life

Out of luck

I’m just stuck with a poor family

Who has nothing in life but each other

An In debt, and occupied mother

And a brother who calls me a slut

But for what

Why do I have the life I have

Working and studying like a slave

Wanting nothing more than to crawl back into my cave

Close the door

Turn off the lights

End this fight with myself

An ongoing battle

School and work vs my sanity

This life not as great as I hoped it would be

Trying so hard to stay positive

I just lost all reason to live

TOODALOO JW

College life Update: The struggle to keep things balanced

Good Morning Everyone and Happy Labor Day, that one public holiday held in honor of working people. Everyone is supposed to have a day off today butttttt my ass works retail so guess who is going to be spending this national no work holiday working…meeeeeeee. 🙃 To anyone else who is in this situation, I feel for you and I am sorry but collect that time and a half and smile because you have to, the customers always come first.

Please enjoy these memes that describe exactly how I feel every day:

lesliecustomer service -ahs

ANNYYYWHOOO.. The college life is treating me well so far but I am so freaking exhausted all the time because I work 40 hours a week still and I signed up for 15 units this semester thinking they would give me an extra day off like they told me they would. Nope..ha ha girl retail is not something I want to be doing for much longer..maybe retail isn’t the problem and I should find another store but it takes way to long to interview and train and I have to focus on a million trillion things right now.`

I JOINED THE ROWING TEAMMMMM! YAY MEEEE!!!!!!

yay meI love it and I feel like I finally found a sport that I can do without being super out of breath or worrying about my boobs falling out of the uniform because ya girl needs two sports bras in order to want to run, ya know? Plus my arms and back are going to be super toned by the time I finish my first year. The women’s rowing team meets Monday through Friday from 5:30am to 7:30 am so I have to wake up at the early buttcrack of dawn but at least I get to watch the sunrise on the water. I think I might also join the salsa team because I have always wanted to be a part of a dance club or group but I never took a chance. The same thing with sports, this is the first sport I have ever signed up for even though I feel like I would kick ass at softball or volleyball maybe even swimming. I am brand new to this area and this school and I want to have as much of a college experience as I possibly can before my two years are up. I’m still young and I feel like I always put work first which isn’t a bad thing but I am not holding back this year.

fuuuuuu

My classes aren’t that bad yet but it has only been a week so I don’t want to open my big mouth and be like OH YEAH SCHOOL IS EASY PEASY LEMON SQUEEZY and then be crying two seconds later like FUUUUUUUUUU why did I say all that shit and this sucks lol. My first assignment was a story proposal because I’m in school for Journalism if some of you didn’t know and it was literally just sending an email to the professor with the topic you want to cover…my dumb ass wanted to make it sound cheery so I added an adjective in my email not thinking much of it because its not even a real proposal, its just one stupid email. My professor immediately calls me out on it and says “we are not supposed to use opinionated words in our writing, you should know better.” I’m sitting there like huh?!?!?! First of all, I thought you were one of my chill professors and second, I appreciate you telling me this but I don’t because WTF it’s not that serious..lesson learned I guess. On the bright side, I have two of my classes with my roommate and it’s super cool to have a study buddy sharing a room with you. We got our first assignments in! YAY US!

I also wanted to say, just as a side note that I know my posting schedule is super random and there isn’t really a scheduled post ever. I just wanted to say bear with me because if I had a schedule for my posts it wouldn’t come from the heart and it would feel more like an obligation which is a reason why I am not a Youtuber even though I really want to explore that whole side.

THANK YOU FOR FOLLOWING MY BLOG AND LIKING MY POSTS AND SHARING YOUR FEEDBACK BECAUSE IT MAKES ME FEEL SPECIAL AND IMPORTANT. I LUUUU YOUUUU

TOODALOO JW

Letter to my selfless lover

To my selfless lover

You know who you are

Didn’t expect to like you

But I’ve always liked your car

here we are

First semester at lb state

My pussy becomes your escape

You introduce me to your beautiful city

Showed me the best views

Saying I’m pretty

Hyping me up at times I don’t expect it

I plan on returning the favor

Don’t you get it

forget her

That girl from your past

She left you

On a hunt to find some trash

Think with your brain

What is it saying

Brain freeze

ice cubes got me paraphrasing

My mouth around that dick

You rubbing on my clit

saying I taste so sweet

That I’m all you need

I’m your extra boost of confidence

feeling all complete

Got yourself a princess 👑

A new girl you can’t get enough of

fucks you like she’s in love

And you know I need it

attention from you

Gets my bed wet

you sparked my curiosity

been through trash recently

Couldn’t think straight

So here you go

A personalized letter

Don’t think I could have said it better

TOODALOO JW 💋

In my opinion: A millenial’s perspective on relationships

In my opinion, few know what they actually want. I am at this age where I don’t know if I should be looking for a committed relationship or just having fun and enjoying my 20s. I’m hoping that when I do meet the right guy he is going to add to my life and not take away from what’s important. I have this vision that it will all come together so easily and love will find a way to me just like it does in a Disney movie.beauty and the beast gif

My fellow millennials out there know what it’s like growing up in this crazy competitive world and how difficult it has gotten over the years & currently everyone is pushing for the same thing, success. It’s annoying because I find myself more focused on other peoples opinions. I ask myself how things will look from an outsiders perspective which really shouldn’t matter but somehow it does. In this age of new media and social media, we strive to live a picture-perfect life from the clothes we wear and places we go to the people we are seen with. I think it has affected the individuals we surround ourselves with too.

Recently, I have been hearing about the relationships that end over that “I can do better than him” thought. Someone in the relationship is unhappy because they think there is someone hotter or smarter or more put together out there and there might be in allthe little mermaid honesty..but if there is nothing wrong with the relationship in the first place, why mess up a good thing? (Wo)men break up with their S/O thinking that they are going to find something better and realize that there is more garbage out there than good genuine people. They always come back to that one person who brought them comfort and security. I guess that’s just a part of life..you live and you learn and you never really know what you have until its gone, but then its too late.

You know what they say, one (wo)man’s trash is another (wo)mans treasure..

TOODALOO JW

Confidence is Key

These last few weeks have been interesting. Since moving to LB I have made many positive changes to my life.

  1. Eating clean and feeling lean

Food is fuel and your body is a temple. I grew up with a single mother who didn’t really have time to cook so fast food was a substantial part of my diet. It was either McDonald’s, Jack in the Box, or pizza. At home, all I had in the fridge were those frozen tv dinners or frozen chicken patties. Ughh…and those turkey cold cuts for sandwiches I can’t stand anymore. Even peanut butter and jelly grosses me out. Everyone in my family can cook and I come from a long line of chefs. When my parents were together they owned a Mediterranean restaurant and we had it for about two years before my mom decided to sell it. All of my aunts and uncles on both sides have owned restaurants at one point or another so I just feel like cooking is in my blood. I was so sick and tired of fast food that I picked up a few fresh ingredients and called my mom to get a few recipes. An hour later I was eating this amazing gourmet dinner that I made for super cheap! I have been saving so much money preparing my own meals and guess what?!?!? I FEEL AMAZING!

 

2. Push through those last few reps at the gym.. bikini me

I used to be super insecure and had major gymtimidation but it wasn’t until recently that I’ve learned to plug-in and try my best because the truth is, no one really knows what they’re doing at the gym. It was also hard to get out of bed in the morning. Getting a workout in before work sounded like a punishment but now I get excited because I feel so good after. Oh, and my roommate has been the best gym buddy a girl could hope for. She pushes me to get up in the morning and get my ass there and once I start I can’t stop.

Side note: I wear a waist trainer and it has helped me lose inches around my waist, the one area I was the most insecure about. I know waist trainers are getting a bad rep right now but it legit changed my life so if you’re even thinking about getting one I would say go for it but just don’t overdo it. You’re not gonna have a Kim K waist overnight..but you will in a few months with the right diet hahaha. I’m all for them! I got mine from this site called AngelCurves. I would check the dimensions before committing to one because most of them are for shorter torsos and I had to exchange mine.

3. WEAR WHAT YOU WANT…FUCK EVERYONE’S OPINION

bikini 2Never in my life would I have worn a bikini in public and loved how I looked in it until I stopped giving a shit about what everyone else thought. I can wear what I want, when I want now and my confidence is through the roof because of it. Eating clean and working out have played a huge role in this as well but at the end of the day, I made the decision to stop listening to those little voices in my head. Be bold and take a leap of faith

with your wardrobe. If you want to wear a tube top..go for it! I just bought mine a month ago and I can’t live without it now. I am probably going to order a few more after I post this tonight lol.

Try to do something you normally wouldn’t this summer. You might surprise yourself and actually like it.

TOODALOO JW

Meet the Newest Foster

Found this hidden gem in Long Beach thanks to one of my new best friends! You won’t believe how historic this town is. I will try to take photos at every spot and post it on here. Next stop: Anchor Beach!

I also need to take a photo of Drake and Josh’s school/ the school where they filmed American Pie and a few other famous shows and commercials. I was there today but only took a short video! It was Callie’s old high school before she was at Anchor Beach too!

The_Fosters_intertitleimg_4276

fosters 3

Long Beach, CA 7.31.18

TOODALOO JW

Update to the update// Health problems/rant

Things have turned around since my last post.

That mark on my breast is a sunburn and is nothing serious. I went to planned parenthood for my breast exam and was able to get examined at no cost because I qualified for this program that they offer to students. I went in there expecting a referral to get a mammogram and her being super concerned, but the complete opposite happened. She asked me about my past history and told me that what I was feeling and experiencing was completely normal in women with large breasts. After, she said it was nothing serious and that I needed to come back in 3 months for a follow-up.

The wifi people are supposed to show up this Friday and if they don’t come I am going to kick someone’s ass. Seriously, I am so beyond done with them.

On the bright side: S.O.A.R. aka orientation went really well and I actually enjoyed it. I was able to sign up for every class I needed and a few that I was really interested in too. I found out that it’s not too late for me to declare a minor as well so that also made me really excited about this journey at CSULB. I am now a Journalism major and an English minor with an emphasis on creative writing. How amazing does that sound!!!

Channeling my inner Hilary in Beauty and the Briefcase rn…hilary duff

Fun fact: HILARY DUFF IS MY IDOL…like you know how everyone has that one famous person that they idolize and aspire to be? Mine’s Hilary Duffffff! She is everything and I have looked up to her since she was little Lizzie McGuire. AHHH I FUCKING LOVE HER!!!! LIKE I JUST UGHHHH IF I COULD MEET ANY CELEBRITY IN THE ENTIRE WORLD I WOULD PICK HER IN A HEARTBEAT! I am currently fangirling over a new show that she’s in called Younger..if you haven’t seen it yet you’re missing out! Also, simultaneously blasting her music on my Spotify rn…I told you I’m obsessed.

ANNNYWHOOOOO….back to me

I am going to be posting a lot more now because I really enjoy making these lame little posts and updates and it lets me reflect on everything. This is where you can tell me what things I should post because I want to expand my horizons a bit more. I cook every single night so I have a bunch of food pics and tips I can post. Everyone in my family is a chef/cook so it’s in my blood and I LOOOVE cooking.

I also live in Long Beach now so I can post little things about my adventures and stuff around here. There are so many exciting things to see in Long Beach. Did you know that a bunch of your favorite TV shows and movies have little pieces filmed right here in my town? I met this friend who actually took me to his old high school and showed me where they filmed Drake and Josh and American Pie! I also visited the Fosters house today. You know that show where a lesbian couple adopt a bunch of kids and call themselves The Fosters? Yeahhhhh one of my favorite shows!  ooooh and that scene where they shot the football game in Alvin and the Chipmunks…yeahhhh that’s here tooooooooo..located right next to the CSULB “DIRTBAGS” baseball stadium.

I am also open to posting makeup and outfit details because I know that’s trending rn too. Just lmkkkk. I get asked about my makeup all the time but I feel like there are so many people doing the same thing already I have to come up with a creative way of posting my tips and tricks.

TOODALOO JW

Blessings 🙏

The world works in mysterious ways

Life going by like a phase

Day and night pass

Making memories to last

The present a gift

The past a lesson

Constantly counting my blessings

Praising God in each step

Humans are complex

No two are alike

Ways we live our life

The way we see the world

Each lesson in disguise

Each burden a blessing

Never realizing till after

It was a journey worth taking

Living with no regrets

Everything happens for a reason

No reason to be upset

Or resent the life we are given

This is how I choose to see the world

embracing my scars

Creating a life worth living

Don’t let it pass you by

Life is over in the blink of an eye

TOODALOO JW